Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
