You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
