Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The best revenge is premature balding
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
