If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
