Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
