We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
