I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
