Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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