Apparently you make a good broom.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
