My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
