I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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