I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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