Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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