oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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