i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
