i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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