Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My ass is underappreciated
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
