shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
