I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
