she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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