I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
