I'm drive I can fine osifer
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
