Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
