I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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