It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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