Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
