Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Swine flu. Run for my life!
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
