I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
