You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
