I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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