Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize