i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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