dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
