Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
