paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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