It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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