If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
