Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Randomize
