Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
