Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
