I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
