Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
