It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
