I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
