and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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