is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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