I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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