Yo dont text me then not text me
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
