I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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