Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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