i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
