Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
