FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I'm really busy with my period
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