omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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