I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Randomize