just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
