I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
