Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
