Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
