Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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