last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
