Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
did you just send me my own nude
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
