i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
