You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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