I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
