is your mom at the bar?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
