and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
