he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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